Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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