you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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