I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
