If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
