i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
