I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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