i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
