Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
