is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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