i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
