it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
