I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
