Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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