so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
