I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
