I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
