tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
