Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
