Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
