why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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