She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
