i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
