he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
