In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
