I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
