im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
