Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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