I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
