Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
