If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
