Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
