i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
