I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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