I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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