Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
