FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
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Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
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We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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