ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
