We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
