she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
