Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
