Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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