I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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