I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
