If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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