Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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