If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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