So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
