I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
