Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
