He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
