you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
