Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
