You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
