Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
