hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
