how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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