I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The uberlube is also flammable
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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