We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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