My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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