You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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