4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize