I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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