I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize