if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
