your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
