Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This toilet bowl is my home.
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