Umm I'm too high to move.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
