Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
