used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
