it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This is my gift to your gina
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
