I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
