Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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