I could have mohawked her pubes.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
